Gardenia: a little glimpse of heaven
by ShinwaWhorebot
Summary: Once you're in, you can't get out. Alice didn't know how happy she was with her life, until she wished for a perfect world. Now, she wants nothing more than to get out, but to do so, she must do something she couldn't bare to do. What will she do?
1. Chapter 1

"The sun starts to rise over the misty hillside.  
And the darkness of night fades away in sunlight.  
As the garden you live in is bathed by soft daylight.  
I see only you and me"

Alice laid in the wet, sunkissed grass, calmly listening to the songs that defined her life. How she loved those words so much. The sound of the music behind them made her feel like she was someplace else, and she loved that feeling. "The people who write this music must be perfect" She though, hopeful of even catching a faint glimpse of someone so beautiful. The thought of how great she would feel brought tears to her eyes. It saddened her so much that her summer is spent all alone, laying in fields, wishing hard to be anywhere else, to be anyone else. But here she was, alone in the most uptight town - the shy girl in class, too scared to feel free.

She blinked the tears away, longing to meet the love of her life. She couldn't imagine how she would feel without him, and every so often reality sets in, and she knows she is alone. It pains her so much to know that the man she loves is only there in her dreams.

A drop of rain falls on her forehead. She cried, synchronized with the rain. She felt like she was one with the rain. Each cold drop that fell on her felt like a hug from a comforting friend, reminding her that she is not alone. She was liberated. She twirled and danced in the rain, completely carefree. She loved how it felt just to live in the moment, never looking ahead or behind. In that moment, she was exactly where she wanted to be - who she is, even though she was alone.

As it grew darker, Alice thought she should make her way home. Her mother had no idea she had left, and she would hate to get scolded. She floated home, feeling nothing short of perfect. Each step she took made her more grateful to return to her house.

She opened the door to her small house in the middle of the forest. "Alice!" Her mother called, sounding angry. "Where were you?" she asked. The alarmed look on her face frightened Alice. "I ... just... went for a walk." Alice was nervous, and didn't want to anger her mom.

"You leave all the time! I am sick of it!" Her mom scolded.

"Mom, that's not fair! You are so --" Alice's mom interupted her "Don't you dare disrespect me! Give me your CD player." She demanded. Alice was crushed. Her music was all she had. "Mom, anything but that. Please?" She pleaded.  
"Give me it!" Alice reluctantly handed it over, with tears in her big blue eyes. "How can a mother see their child like this?" She thought. "That sickening music you listen to is making you depressed!" Alice was so angry. She stormed off, crying so hard she was shaking.

She shut and locked the door in her room, plopped herself on her bed, and cried. She thought about what made her mom that way, and how much she wanted to find her love, and how she was no one special - just Alice. The shy girl who only wanted to mean something to someone.

"Alice! Alice!" A voice softly called. She wiped her tears and tried to force her eyes open. "Alice!" It whispered again. "Hello?" She cooed. Looking around, she saw a river full of fishes, pretty flowers and it was so bright and beautiful out. She felt the sun beaming on her hair, and smelled the roses that said beside her. "Welcome to Gardenia" A faerie with a purple dress and sparkling wings landed on Alice's shaking leg. "Gardenia?" Alice asked in disbelief. "This is a perfect world. There is no sorrow, no letdowns, only perfection. I welcome you here" The faerie said. That sounded so wonderful. Alice knew she was going to be so happy here. "I will let you explore, and at the end of the day, I will visit you" The faerie explained, "and you must tell me if you would like to stay here for eternity and never die - or return to your normal life, and forget all of this. Don't act on impulse. This will be forever"

"Wait! You mean--" The fairy disappeared. Alice was burdened by such a decision. She loved the world, but she wasn't ready to commit to it forever.

Alice wandered around, looking at the beautiful sites and trying to see what this place was all about. She passed by a small house on top of a hill. "Hello, Alice. Welcome to Gardenia" a little elf said as he sat outside, listening to the song birds make beautiful music. She felt like she belonged. She felt liberated and carefree.

As she walked around, feeling so happy to be there, she saw a man with his back turned and his head in his hands. Curious, she walked closer to him, and heard he was crying.

"Excuse me, but are you okay?" She asked as she sat down next to him. No reply. Instead, his sobs got harder. She placed her arm around his shoulder, "what's wrong? I hope there is something I can do to help." The man looked up. He was so beautiful. His black hair gleamed and his brown eyes sparkled. He was one of those people that were too beautiful to cry. "Don't... stay here..." He said between sobs.

Alice was confused. She moved away from him to see him when he talks. "Why not?" She asked, wondering what isn't great about a perfect world.

"We live forever and never die...." He sobbed, "everything is too perfect." He said. Alice raised her eyebrow, "what's wrong with that?" The man wiped his tears away, "nothing at all. Well, nothing at all if you don't live forever" He looked in her eyes, and she felt so sad. She hated to see him like that, even though she didn't know him. He was just so perfect to her. "You see, ummm...."

"Alice." She said. "My name is Alice, and you are?" He smiled a very faint smile, but that made Alice feel a bit better. "I am Mana" he said.

"The beauty of life can not be appreciated fully without malice and misery" He continued. "The perfect world is great to escape sorrow, but the happiness turns to emptiness when you crave something more" Alice thought about this, and how beautiful - inside and out - this guy was.

"Gardenia...my sweet darling, deep in your cherib's eyes I see Everything I ever held dear to me I'll take you somewhere new with me, and together we'll always be Enfolded in my arms so gently...I'll never let go"

The lyrics flew through her mind. She finally understood what made life so nice. It wasn't perfection. It wasn't beauty. It was how beauty compares to sorrow, and how great it feels to be happy again - not happy to start with.

"They are doing something evil here" Mana said, "they are only taking people who dream of a perfect world, and bringing them here. They think perfect is good, and that they will love it, so they choose to stay forever." Alice was confused. "Why would they want to do that?" She asked, "because, each person here who becomes miserable adds to the misery of the people in the normal world. They need misery there. Despite the misery, the normal world is a better place. They need the misery for the people to be truly happy. I would give anything to have done things differently. I would have never chose to live in this perfect world 510 years ago, because I want to grow old. I want to see the sun set on a bad day, and know that is all I need to feel truly happy. Everlasting happiness is not happy when it doesn't end" Mana pulled Alice closer and ran his fingers through her hair. She understood how miserably he was, being there, but she still wanted to stay.

"Mana, if I don't choose to stay, what will happen to you?" She asked. "Don't worry about me. I deserve what I got." He replied as he kissed her forehead. She began to cry. The man of her dreams, in a perfect world. How could she say no?

"Mana, I want to be with you!" She said. Mana looked lovingly at her and smiled. "You are the girl I dream of. The one I write about. But it would pain me to see you as sorrowed as I am. Also, there is no love here. Love dies when you do, and when you sacrifice yourself for eternal life, you are dead inside. We all are. We don't feel anything but happiness. We can't feel love, because we don't remember how it feels to be hated." he replied, leaning in to kiss her lips. "Mana --" His soft lips pressed against her's. She lightly kissed back, "I love you."

~to be continued~ 


	2. Chapter 2

Just as they were about to kiss, the fairy came back. "So what will it be? Eternal life? Thought so" Mana ran away into the trees behind them. Alice shook. "why are you doing this?" she asked as her eyes welled with tears, "perfection means nothing if you haven't experienced sorrow. It's okay to feel sad at times, because you feel great when something goes your way" The fairy was shocked. "This is a perfect world! There is no emotion other than happiness, and you have not one sorrow-filled memory. What could be more perfect than that?"  
Alice looked at the fairy, "being able to be sad once in a while, so you really know how great it is to feel good" Alice said.

"So you are going back to the mortal world?" The fairy asked. Alice began to sob. "I can't leave Mana here alone... I would suffer for ages to make sure he is smiling for moments" The fairy looked at Alice in awe. People there aren't supposed to think, and they aren't supposed to feel. "You ...are in love. You are allowing yourself to suffer. You aren't supposed to remember how to feel that way." The fairy continued, "you are supposed to be happy. Now, you are stuck here. You can't leave him, because in this world, if one can bring themself to fall in love, it is too strong for even worlds to separate." Alice thought about how much it would hurt to be away from Mana. "Wait here. If he loves you, he will take your place and you will be free. When he doesn't, you shall be sentenced to death." The fairy said. Alice began to sob. How could she even bare to leave him? She didn't want to die, but her love for him was too strong to let him die.

She couldn't do anything but sob. She thought of how Mana felt right now. She would absorb two times the amount of sadness for Mana to feel no pain at all.

She cried, awaiting her certian death. "Alice." She heard a familiar voice. She looked up, and saw Mana's stunning face. "I will die for you if you live for me" He said as he locked his hand in her's. "I will never let you die alone. I will be right here with you. And when they take you, they will take me as well." Alice looked at Mana. "Oh please, just let me die. While I am resting in peace, I won't feel so burdened by our forbidden love" Mana wiped her tears away. Stroking her chin, she said "But I will. I would rather die now than live without you" They held eachother closely as they sobbed.

"Love? In this world? This is blasphomy! These people can't love. These people thought reality is miserable, but wait until they understand what perfection is really like" The Madhatter explained to the fairy. "The point of this land is for people who think reality is bad to be tortured by the one thing they dream about - perfecton. They don't need to fall in love, and when they do, they can't survive"

Mana and Alice were still where they were supposed to be. They were too loyal to their fate to try and escape. Between their sobs, they heard people arguing.

"LOVE IS NOT SOMETHING WE NEED IN A PERFECT WORLD" The Madhatter's voice boomed. "LOOK! THIS LOVE IS IMPAIRING OUR PERFECTION ALREADY!"  
He screamed. This argument was heard all the way down the hill, where Alice and Mana sobbed. "How so, sir? You opposing it has done more damage to perfection than anything else!" Alice and Mana, holding eachother closely, inched towards the castle where this arguement took place. They stood in the bushes outside the castle, listening to the argument.

"A perfect world can not be made by an evil person. Love is not a force to go down without a fight." The fairy concluded.

"Well I am not using perfection to make people happy - I am using it against them. Those who dream of perfection don't appreciate life, and when they don't, they deserve to be miserable"

"Well sir, you are more miserable than even the most miserable human." The fairy said to The Madhatter.

He was outraged. "Fine, I will cut you a deal. If Mana and Alice are exactly where they are supposed to be, together, you can't let them chose their fate."

The fairy was shocked. "I will." She said.

"I know Mana has left, and Alice is doomed to die. No love is that strong." The Madhatter said.

Mana and Alice ran back to the log, her hand in his. They sat there, silent, for a few hours.

"Mana?" Alice asked.

"Yes?"

"What is a human?" She wondered.

"Nothing but a being of malice and misery." he replied, "but it is that malice and misery that makes their beauty mean so much more."

Alice rested her head on Mana's shoulder. "What made you wish to be in a perfect world anyway?" She asked.

"I have just always dreamed of something more than what I had. I have always wanted to be somebody. I always thought I never deserved to feel sad," He said, "but we all, even the best people deserve to feel sad, because we all deserve to feel happy. That's what's beautiful about the world." He ran his fingers through Alice's long blond hair and kissed her.

"Your love must be very strong! I am shocked! I never thought I would go down like this!" Alice and Mana turned to see The Madhatter, furious, standing behind them in disbelief.

"Not only have you guys fell in love, but your love is so strong that seperate worlds, and fear of death couldn't tear you apart!"

Alice held strongly onto Mana's hand. "But there is one problem" The Madhatter suggested, "here, you and Mana are ageless. But in the human world, Alice, you are 12" Alice was shocked. "I am not 12! I don't remember age being of any significance!" She opposed.

"Well, here, age is defined by intelligence. In reality, it is defined by how many years you have been alive" Mana said.

The Madhatter was shocked. "How do you know these things?" He asked Mana.

"I guess I cannot forget the sadness that is held in my heart. I am attached to it." He thought, "Even in Gardenia, I live as though I am in a normal world."

~to be continued~ 


	3. Chapter 3

"Mana, why can't we go back to the mortal world, and return to our lives the way they were? You're only 19. Please, I will act the same way." Alice pleaded Mana. She didn't want him to be trapped there forever, but she didn't want to return to her life without him.

"Well, Alice, if I were to return to my life, my days we're quite numbered. I was sent here as I hung from a rope in my basement. It's either I go back and die alone, or stay here forever, which is too sad for me" He said, frowning and grabbing Alice's shaking hands.

Alice began to cry, "MANA NOOOO! YOU ARE TOO PERFECT TO DIE!"

"What would happen if we go back to our lives together?" Alice hopefully asked the Madhatter.

"Well, in reality, you're 12. Mana is 19" Alice made a sour face at him "That's frowned upon in some places" Mana and Alice turned to the Madhatter and gave him a look of disapproval.

"If Mana leaves here, he is going to die" he coninued. How blunt the Madhatter was being angered Alice and Mana.

"If you were about to die, do you think a miracle would save you? Maybe a split second to untie the noose?" Alice begged, terrified of losing Mana.

"HAHAHA!" The Madhatter let out a hearty laugh.

Alice and Mana were too busy with their conversation to pay any mind to that.

"Alice, my love, I am sorry, but I must leave, my time has come" A single tear slid down Alice's cheek. Looking up at Mana, she begged once more, "Mana, I love you. We can stay here forever."

"I am afraid we cannot." Mana took Alice's hand and brought her over the bridge. "See these people?" Alice stopped and looked at everyone gathered around, "They are here because they wasted their lives dreaming of perfection." Mana said as he put his arm around her, pulling her close "Now they are to suffer an eternal punishment"

"But I have done the same thing... I deserve to be punished too." Alice said to Mana.

"No, you have one thing these people don't. You know why misery is important. And if you hadn't met me, you would go back to the mortal world in a heartbeat." Mana continued, "the Gods reward the miserable, as long as they do not wish for perfection. My time has come." Mana said as he kissed her goodbye. Alice watched Mana disappear.

"If one falls in love, they are allowed to die" Those words flew throught Alice's mind. "What kind of a world is this?" She sobbed.

"A terrible one indeed" A voice called to her. Alice looked down at joyful looking rabbit. "I bet you want out!" He called. Alice stopped for a moment and thought. "Oh yes I do"

"Here! Take this, but you didn't hear it from me" The rabbit handed her a nut. Alice examined it and put it in her mouth.

"ALICE! ALICE" She heard, feeling soft cussions around here. She smelled a hot breakfast awaiting her downstairs. "Alice, time to eat! I'm sorry I treated you so bad yesterday" Alice was so glad to be home with her mother. Just the smell of eggs and toast mad her more happy than any perfect world.

She remembered nothing of the perfect world. As she took a bite of her eggs, she looked down at her Malice Mizer shirt and smiled.

"I think I like it here." She thought to herself, "Perfectly Imperfect." 


	4. Chapter 4

10 years later, Alice appreciated everything she had in life. It wasn't perfect, but it made her appreciate perfection when some things were imperfect. She even wrote a book about how to appreciate life, explaining that when you waste your life dreaming of perfection, you are even further away from it than when you began. She strongly believed that perfection could be one of the worse things to wish for. That dreaming should only be done in your sleep, so you don't waste your days.

Alice gathered her stuff, dressed to the nines, and walked out the door. Driving to her first book conference at a small bookshop in London, she thought about how much she loved her life, even though she was alone. Turning up the radio, playin Gardenia by Malice Mizer, she has never felt better. It wasn't sad that she didn't know the people who wrote the song, she was just happy that she could enjoy such a beautiful song.

She pulled up at the store. When she arrived, the employees were so nice. They set up a table for her to sit and handed her a pink sharpie to sign books.

Just as she got situated, people started piling in. "I loved the story" "It changed my life!" she would hear people say as she signed their copies with a smile.

She looked up and saw a fimiliar, content looking face. "Alice, what makes a human?" He asked her. Alice, stricken by his beauty, replied "Nothing but a being of malice and misery" she said, "but it is that malice and misery that makes their beauty mean so much more" Alice said with a smile, and the man smiled back in agreement and walked away.

She knew what her next book would be titled: Gardenia.

~the end: thank you all for reading~ 


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